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Fitness Jokes
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves! One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, “You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.” This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. “You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras.” That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by…
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Jenna Marbles – Drunk Makeup Tutorial
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One liners
Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment! Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself! That awkward moment when you’re about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
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Christmas jokes
Why should you never mess with Santa? Because he’s got a black belt. A boy is running around his yard in early December, chanting, “I SO WISH I GOT A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!” An elderly man watches him go on for a while, then comes over and says, “Son, what is this about, Santa ain’t deaf, you know?” The little boy, out of breath, smiles, “He probably isn’t, but my auntie Jane is.” Little girl wrote to Santa, asking him to give her a baby sister for Christmas. Santa replied promptly, asking her to send her mother. I heard of a guy who shoplifted an Advent calendar. He got…
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Christmas jokes
An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it? Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend. What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time? A Holly Davidson. Two women are chatting, “I took my husband to the Christmas market yesterday,” says one of them. “And, did someone want to buy him?” asks the other. It is really embarrassing how Santa ends up having the same wrapping paper like your mum and dad. CNN reported news of an unidentified flying object on Christmas Eve….. It was a U-F-ho-ho-ho. Source: short-funny.com
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Christmas One Liners
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem. What do you get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store? He was looking for the holiday spirit. Source: jokes4us.com
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Please don´t do this….
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Caught on Camera
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The importance of stretching
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Jokes of the day – Relationships
A girl tells her boyfriend: After our marriage I will let you kiss me where nobody else has kissed me. Where is that? In Hawaii A child asked his mother: “How were people born?” So his mother said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his father, asked him the same question and he told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his mother and said, “You lied to me!” His mother replied, “No, your dad was talking about his side of the family.”…
